This is my personal blog. The views expressed on these pages are mine alone and not those of my employer.

Monday, November 19, 2001

disinformation | i have met god and he lives in brooklyn

"Howard, you sound like you're on coke. A lot of it."

"That's what people used to always say to me when I was in the music industry. But I am a bit manic, tonight, yes. Well, two weeks ago (January 14th, 1998) I tried to commit suicide when the divorce proceedings with my wife, Linda became too much for me. I ate 80 Valium, fourteen Chlorpromazine, and gave myself an intramuscular injection of five cc of Lidocaine Hydrochloride, which according to my copy of the Physician's Desk Reference was an unequivocally fatal dose. I actually so close to dead that the Grim Reaper had digested my soul and was burping up the remains. For two and half days I lay in bed like a corpse, the blood pooling in my body and breaking out through the skin, almost like stigmata. When I woke up I'd lost the use of three limbs and 40% of my circulatory system. I've been experiencing the highest spiritual and intellectual highs and the lowest of the lows in roughly 15 minute cycles ever since. As a scientist, it's an incredible thing to witness, but being the person experiencing it, it really sucks. So I tried to kill myself. Yes, you could say I'm a little on edge, that's for sure.

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